


Little Mr. Perfect

by UnderwhelmingAlchemist



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bi Author, Biphobia, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Crisis, Internalized Biphobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Songfic, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:00:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27275347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnderwhelmingAlchemist/pseuds/UnderwhelmingAlchemist
Summary: Bucky Barnes is straight. Perfectly and completely straight. And nothing will ever change his unwavering belief in that fact.Probably.AKA Bucky's Bi CrisisBased on the song 'Little Miss Perfect' by Taylor Louderman - Link included in notes
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21





	Little Mr. Perfect

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to the song first: https://youtu.be/VhZIikh-z7g

_Straight hair, straight A's, straight forward  
Straight path,  
I don't cut corners  
I make a point to be on time  
Head of the student council  
I don't black out at parties  
I jam to Paul McCartney_

Bucky Barnes was straight. 

Totally, completely straight. 

He was a boxer, having won several competitions by the time he was a senior. Despite the stereotypes, he still managed to excel in his classes, get involved in student government, and stay out of trouble for the most part. The only times he’d gotten in trouble were the times when he was getting Steve Rogers out of fights. 

Steve Rogers, the skinny kid with something to prove and a heart of gold. The guy who tried to throw a punch at guys three times his side on a weekly basis because they were “being dicks and somebody needed to stand up to them.” Sure, Bucky agreed, somebody. But not the 5’5” asthmatic that wouldn’t weigh a hundred pounds soaking wet. Steve, of course, completely ignored his opinion on the matter and continued to start fights, and Bucky continued to end them. 

The one assumption people made about athletes that was true about him was the idea that he’d play the field when it came to girls. He never really had a long-term girlfriend, but every girl thought they stood a chance of being the first. He had a new date every weekend. Sometimes he’d arrange double dates with Steve, but every time the girl that was supposed to be going out with Steve would just end up fawning over Bucky and completely ignoring him, despite his best efforts. 

The times he didn’t have dates he was at parties. He drank, sure, but he never actually got blackout drunk. Occasionally he would bring Steve, but not often. The last time he’d brought Steve to a party he’d gotten drunk and got himself into a fight with three guys that wanted nothing more than to turn him into a stain on the wall. Bucky had been a little buzzed, but he’d still come to Steve’s aid, throwing well-practiced punches until they cleared out.

That night he and Steve had ended up in the backyard of the house, lying on the grass, laughing about the whole ordeal. Eventually Steve fell asleep and Bucky called an Uber, only waking him up when it was time to go. Until then he just watched him as his chest slowly rose and fell in time with his breaths.

_If you ask me how I'm doing  
I'll say...  
Well, hmm  
I was adopted when I was two  
My parents spoiled me rotten  
Often I ask myself, "What did I do?"  
To get as far as I've gotten_

Bucky had never met his birth mother. Or father, for that matter. Or if he had, he didn’t remember it. He’d been surrendered at a fire station when he was a baby. He wasn’t sure why, but he liked to imagine it was something beyond his birth mother’s control. Maybe she was a teen who couldn’t take care of a baby at that point in her life, or maybe it was the safest option for him. 

Whatever it was, he chose not to hold it against her. That wouldn’t get him anywhere. 

Things had turned out for the best in the end. He’d been adopted by the couple he considered his real parent when he was two. A year later, they’d had a kid of their own, then another, then another. He ended up with three little sisters. 

He remembered the fear he’d felt that he’d be replaced. He was three years old, too young to understand the implications of being adopted. He was just afraid that a new baby would get all the attention and he’d get none. 

But in the end, his fears had been unfounded. He loved his new sister with all his tiny little heart, and his parents had made sure that he was involved in everything possible. He was more than happy with his growing family. 

Having three sisters could end up being pretty chaotic at times. Four kids were a lot for two people to handle. But his parents did an amazing job. They had the resources to provide for all of them, and Bucky and his sisters got pretty much everything they needed, from tutors to sports equipment to a basic allowance. 

They ended up with two rabbits, a dog, two cats, and four kids total. Which would be a lot for anyone to deal with. With that chaos, it wouldn’t be surprising if it ended up being an excuse to act out or fall behind.

Still, Bucky Barnes stayed the perfect child.

_A pretty girl walks by my locker  
My heart gives a flutter  
But I don't dare utter a word  
'Cause that would be absurd behavior  
For little miss perfect_

Bucky Barnes liked girls. He knew he liked girls. They were gorgeous their silhouettes were always perfect no matter what and their bodies were pliant and they smelled nice and their lips were soft and tasted like flavored Chapstick. The way they moved was mesmerizing, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t find himself staring when he really shouldn’t be. 

Girls were amazing. And the fact that he thought that was more than enough for him.

So when the football player with the locker beside his decided to ask him about boxing and leaned against the wall and gave him a little grin that made a dimple appear in his right cheek and his heart started fluttering, he chose to ignore it. And when he stretched one arm up and rested it against the back of his head and his shirt rode up to expose a perfect v-line and it suddenly became difficult to form a coherent sentence, he quickly excused himself and buried the thoughts that had come to his head deep, deep down, determined that he’d never so much as acknowledge that they had ever existed.

Bucky Barnes was straight. 

Probably.

_Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na  
No, I can't risk falling off my throne  
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la  
Love is something I don't even know  
Straight hair, straight A's, straight forward,  
Straight girl  
Little miss perfect  
That's me_

Bucky may have been the perfect child, the perfect student, and the perfect athlete, but he wasn’t immune from the pressures that came with it. 

When he was a kid, it was to do well in school. He was always a straight A student, and he had the certificates to prove it. Whenever they had the honor roll assembly he was always called up for the principal’s list, standing in front of his entire school with a piece of paper in hand, beaming brightly and filled with pride. Every A he got on a paper or test went up on the fridge. He was praised for his hard work and intelligence, and he took great pride in it. 

The first time he got a B in second grade he hid the paper under his bed, then lay awake that night filled with guilt and anxiety. He slept maybe a couple hours that night, and the next day he dug the paper out from the corner it had ended up in and confessed everything to his parents. He’d had tears in his eyes, and while they were confused as to why a B was causing him so much distress, they hugged him and reassured him that it was still a good grade. Still, anything less than an A always carried a feeling of guilt, like he’d failed, like he wasn’t the perfect child he was supposed to be.

The responsibility to be perfect extended beyond school. 

When he was put in boxing, he immediately excelled at it. He was eight at the time, and he quickly moved up in his classes until he was meeting with a personal trainer. He joined competitions and pushed himself to be the best boxer he could possibly be. He trained until his body ached and sweat stung his eyes, then pushed himself to keep going. He’d spend three or four hours in the gym after school, and then go home and be up until ten or eleven finishing homework. 

He ate dinner with his family, of course. The concept that he wouldn’t make time for his family even with his busy schedule was foreign to him. His family was a priority, just like school and boxing. He learned to braid his sisters’ hair and helped get them ready for school, helped with homework, and taught them how to throw a punch. He was there when Becca and her friend had a big fight and went their separate ways, and when Bethany broke up with her first boyfriend, and when Bella was being bullied. He took care of his family just like he took care of everything else in his life.

He allowed himself to have breaks, sure. He went out with girls plenty. But it was hard to see them as more than temporary. He enjoyed their company, sure, but he didn’t have the time or emotional energy for a relationship. And he always found himself feeling like he was performing around them. Putting on a charming grin and laughing and flattering them. 

The only time he really found himself truly relaxing was when he was with Steve. 

The two of them had been friends since Steve was in first grade and Bucky was in second. He’d pulled some bullies off of him on the playground and sent them running, and they’d been inseparable ever since. With Steve he could relax. He could confide in him about his stresses and anxieties and problems, and when he needed somebody in his life who wouldn’t judge him, Steve was there. He’d tease him, sure, but always about how many dates he went on or how much time he spent in the gym, never about anything that would actually cut to the core of his issues. 

Steve understood the fact that Bucky, partially through his own actions and partially through the action of others, had ended up on a pedestal. He was the perfect child, the perfect student, and the perfect athlete. And those weren’t titles he was going to give up easily. 

_One night my friend stayed over  
We laughed, and drank and ordered  
Something about her drew me in  
What? It's totally platonic  
That night was so exciting  
Her smirks were so enticing  
Hours speed by like seconds  
Then, what happens is iconic_

Steve spending the night at Bucky’s house was nothing new. 

Steve lived in a tiny, run-down apartment with his mother. The landlord always refused to fix the heating and air conditioning, among other things. The AC not working was inconvenient, but not the end of the world. The cold, on the other hand... Steve was underweight and had so many health issues that a particularly cold night could cause him serious damage. They had a couple space heaters, but there was only so much they could do. So he ended up at Bucky’s house on particularly cold nights, which during winter in New York was often.

It wasn’t a cold night when Steve came over, however. It was one of those nights that was sticky hot, the air feeling like an oppressive blanket that had been left in the washing machine for too long and begun to mildew. 

They were sitting in Bucky’s bedroom, drinking from a bottle he’d swiped from his parents and eating popsicles. Steve stuck out his tongue to show off the fact that it was blue, and Bucky stuck out his own, displaying the red stain. They laughed, Steve smirked, and Bucky’s heart pounded.

The AC had turned off for the night, and the window was open. Bucky peeled his sweat-sticky shirt off, and Steve did the same. 

_She takes a sip, I bite my lip  
She tells a joke, I nearly choke  
She braids my hair, I sit there  
Blacking out for the first time_

Steve took a swig from the bottle and laughed when Bucky took it from him, insisting he’d had enough before finishing it off himself. He shoved the empty bottle under his bed. He’d abandon it in a dumpster the next day. 

His laugh was contagious. He teased Bucky about something or another and he found himself grinning, laughing along with him after nearly choking on his drink. They’d switched to normal lemonade at that point. Not homemade, but still pretty good. It was cold and refreshing on the hot night.

Steve was sitting about an inch away from Bucky, smirking as he teased him. Something about how he went out with girls all the time, but he never stuck with any of them, and what, was he compensating for something? He had his elbows on his knees and his chin on his knuckles, and all Bucky could focus on was his lips. They were moving and words were coming out of them, but they were fading into the background. 

He wondered what it would be like to kiss him. Would they be soft like a girl’s? Or would they be more chapped? How would he taste? Probably like the popsicle that had stained the inside of his lips blue. He could see the color when his mouth opened. 

_Next thing I know I lose control  
I finally kiss her but oh no_

In one swift, smooth motion, Bucky’s hand went to the back of Steve’s head, his fingers tangling into his hair as he pressed forward. His lips clashed together with Steve’s in an instant. 

Steve was stiff for a second, then two, then three. 

Then he relaxed, leaning into the kiss. His hand went up to cup Bucky’s cheek, his thumb tracing his cheekbone. 

They stayed like that for a long moment. He was right, Steve _did_ taste like the blue raspberry popsicle, but he also tasted like lemonade and alcohol and something unidentifiable. The only thing he could really think in the moment was how nice it was, and how he’d be happy if he could have that taste on his lips for the rest of his life.

Then Steve pulled away for breath, giving Bucky a little grin.

_I see a face in my window  
Then my brain starts to go  
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na  
No, you can't risk falling off your throne_

Steve was sitting in front of the dark window in his room. When he pulled away, Bucky got a glimpse of his face as if it were a mirror. 

That was the reality check he needed.

He quickly scrambled backwards, then pushed himself to his feet. His heart was pounding in his chest. 

He’d just kissed Steve. 

He’d just _kissed Steve_.

No. No, no no no no. This wasn’t happening. He was straight. Completely and totally. He liked girls, didn’t he? He liked them just fine. He went on dates with plenty of them. He’d lost his virginity when he was sixteen and he’d thoroughly enjoyed it, as awkward as it was. And he’d lost it _to a girl_. And he _liked it_. He was _straight _.__

__And he’d kissed Steve._ _

__Steve, who now had a look of concern on his face, saying his name, asking if he was okay._ _

__Bucky mumbled something along the lines of, “Fuck, just… give me a minute,” then practically bolted from the room._ _

_La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la  
Love is something you don't even know  
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na  
You can't risk falling off your throne  
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la  
Love  
You don't even know_

__He found himself in the bathroom, splashing icy cold water on his face. The contrast of that with the heat of the room helped bring him back to reality a little more._ _

__There were a few facts he had to face. One of them was that he’d kissed Steve. And he’d liked it. He’d liked it a lot._ _

__Another was that he liked girls. He knew that bisexuality was a thing, sure. But that wasn’t an option for him. He was Bucky Barnes, the perfect student and perfect son. He’d already been accepted to several prestigious universities. He’d go off to one of them and get a degree. Maybe he’d meet a nice girl there. He’d get a job, then a house. Then he’d get married to a nice girl. They’d have a traditional Catholic wedding, and adopt a dog, then have a kid or two. His parents would have grandchildren._ _

__He had his whole life ahead of him. This was just… a wrench in the works. Yeah. Yeah, just a wrench. And all he had to do was remove it and everything would go back to normal._ _

__He’d apologize to Steve, and hopefully he’d still want to be friends. If not, he’d cross that bridge when he came to it. But this was just a temporary setback._ _

__He took a deep breath, then headed back to his room._ _

_Rewind, induce amnesia  
Deny the truth, that's easier  
You're just confused, believe her  
When she says there's nothing there_

__Steve was pacing the room when he came back. Before he could get a word out, Bucky launched into the apology he’d rehearsed in his head. It lasted a minute, and he ended it by saying he hoped what happened didn’t change anything._ _

__Steve was quiet, then said, “Nothing happened.”_ _

__Bucky frowned. Something had definitely happened. “What?”_ _

__“As far as I’m concerned, nothing happened. We’re just hanging out in your room. You got up and went to the bathroom. End of story.”_ _

__Bucky wasn’t sure what the emotions washing over him meant. He was relieved, sure, but he was also… disappointed? Why? Had he _wanted_ Steve to push the issue? To get mad at him? Or to insist that what happened should be further explored? _ _

__He did his best to ignore all the feelings except relief, giving Steve what was meant to be an easy smile, but ended up coming off as somewhat strained. “Yeah. Yeah, okay. Got it.”_ _

__Steve grabbed the air mattress that had been leaning against the wall and started arranging the spare pillows and blankets that were reserved for him when he came to sleep over. He announced that he was going to bed, and Bucky agreed._ _

__He lay in bed for hours, a disgusting pit in his stomach, until he finally fell asleep to the sound of Steve’s snoring._ _

__The next morning, it was as if nothing happened._ _

__But Steve never slept over after that._ _

_It's never worth it  
When you're little miss perfect_

__Bucky Barnes was straight. Totally and completely. And nothing was ever going to change that._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, and thanks to my friends and boyfriend for beta reading. Feedback is always appreciated!


End file.
